Jeopardy! Runs Out of Smart People
Future Uncertain For Popular Quiz Show

Though rumored for weeks, spokespeople for the top rated quiz show Jeopardy! have now officially announced that they will postpone the creation of future episodes due to a crisis in locating qualified contestants. 

Georgina Warwick, Talent Executive for Jeopardy! admitted “The task of getting knowledgeable contestants had been getting more difficult every year. We have had to take the show on the road more, come up with new specialty tournaments to lure in non-traditional contestants and even start using extreme tactics like the “Brain Bus”.”

Warwick also stated that the intelligence pool around Southern California was drained within several seasons of the 1984 re-launch of the show. “We assumed that we could pull talent from other areas of the U.S. We just way overestimated the learnedness of America. Now we are paying the price.”

The host of Jeopardy! Alex Trebek claims to have seen this coming for many seasons. “In a recent episode not one contestant knew who married Henry V's widow.” Trebek shook his head in dismay. “This should be common knowledge. With public schools de-emphasizing the memorization of volumes of archaic facts, we are not left with much hope in finding future contestants.”

Rumors of the “brain drain” have been around for years, though officially denied by Jeopardy! executives until now. Past accusations ranged from pre-show “coaching” to alleged disguise of previous contestants for reuse. “Those rumors are totally unfounded,” claimed Executive Producer Harry Friedman. “And we include hints in the answers only for a more interesting format, not to give second-rate contestants a fighting chance to get the tough ones.”

So what will happen to Jeopardy! now? Allowing previous contestants back is apparently not an option, though repeat showings are nearly a guarantee. The release of “Rock ‘N Roll Jeopardy!” may be a glimpse of the future for what was once the token intellectual program on a major network. Suggestions of topics where Americans are more adept include “Sports Jeopardy!”, “Prime Time Sitcom Jeopardy!” and “Tabloid Jeopardy!”.